


Puppy Tails - Doctor & Sigerson's advice column

by Aurora_bee



Series: Puppy tails [79]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Relationship Advice, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 07:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John start an advice column.</p><p>Just a bit of silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Doctor & Sigerson's advice column**

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

When I receive a nice gift, I feel the best way to acknowledge it is to write a thank you letter. Can you please tell me how to do one? When I try to put my thoughts down on paper, I get stuck.

Dear Stuck 

I have been advised by a dear friend of the correct way to write such a note. I’m only going to say this once. Buy a blank card and write this inside: big T, little h, little a, little n, little k, SPACE, little y, little o, little u, full stop.

Sigerson

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

Twice I've walked into the bathroom to find my husband masturbating. What should I do?

Dear Inconsiderate

Knock

Sigerson

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

How should I ask someone why they have prosthetic limbs?

Dear Reader

As that person’s new doctor, you can ask outright. If you are not that person’s doctor, you have no business asking.

Doctor

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My husband doesn't seem to be interested in sex anymore. Do you have any ideas how to spice up our love life?

Dear Reader

Why not try dressing up, fantasy can spice up anyone's love life. My partner likes pirate hats.

Doctor

I've found smearing yourself with strawberry jam also works.

Sigerson

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My dog ate my shoe what should I do?

Dear Poet

Buy a new pair.

Sigerson 

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

The boys I let my first floor flat too seem to make a terrible mess and one even keeps body parts in the fridge with the food! Help me, I'm at my wits end.

Dear Reader

If your name is Mrs Hudson just tidy around the body parts. Oh and the rug could do with a vacuum.

Sigerson

If you're not Mrs Hudson. Get out of your flat and call the police.

Doctor


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More silly advice.

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My husband goes to the pub every Tuesday and Friday evening on his own. Leaving me and the dog alone. I feel like he's excluding me.

Dear Reader

Feed the dog his dinner, and pour his favourite beer down the sink. It will make you feel better.

Sigerson

I'd suggest you ask your husband if you can go with him to the pub. You may find the answer quite surprising.

Doctor

N.B. That's where my beer went. You said you didn't want to come to the pub!

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

I think I'm in love with my best friend, I think he like's me too but we're both men and I'm definitely not gay. What should I do about it?

Dear Reader

Having found myself in exactly the same situation, I wasted a lot of time doing very stupid things to get his attention. I think you should talk to him, explain how you feel. I still don't consider myself gay, I fell in love with a person, his sex didn't matter. 

Doctor

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My arm hurts every time put it on the radiator. Help it's killing me.

Dear Moron

Don't put your arm on the radiator, or alternatively try turning it off first.

Sigerson

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My girlfriend won't pick up her mobile when she goes home. I know she's there I can see the light on in her bedroom.

Dear stalker

There are several explanations and solutions to this problem. Perhaps she is unable to get reception in her home, in which case you could try calling her landline. That's the phone attached to the building. The other more likely reason could be she's ignoring you because you are stalking her, in which case you should probably seek psychological attention before you hurt someone.

Sigerson

I have to agree with Sigerson on this one.

Doctor

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to give her. I want her to never forget the evening. Do you have any ideas?

Dear Readers

Flowers, and jewellery are a good bet. But I must admit I really enjoyed it when my partner took me out for a meal then surprised me to a night in a posh hotel.

Doctor

The PneuMicro Small Bone System set is a must. But I find a few pots of Jam and a cream jumper are good too.

Sigerson

 

Dear Doctor & Sigerson,

My Partner seems to have a weird obsession with cake, he just won't stop eating it. He seems to care more about it than me!

Dear Reader

I think there may be a deeper issue here. Over eating can often be caused by stress. You should discuss it with him, ask him why he's doing it. Support him and if that doesn't work go to your GP they will provide counselling.

Doctor 

Tell Mycroft Mummy said she won't make any Black Forest Gateaux if he carries on.

Sigerson


End file.
